Maialancholy

New home...

2007-11-03T20:24:00.000+08:00

I finally have my own! Please head on to my new site and join me there in my journey through life’s ups and downs.

Rock for a Cause

2007-06-29T12:56:00.000+08:00

Our friend Richard is suffering from the last (and critical) stages of chronic renal failure. He has to undergo kidney_transplant and of course, would have to endure the expensive post-operation medicines.

I admire people who, despite their difficult situations, still manage to smile and keep their faith in God. Apple, Richard's wife, is also pregnant. She is one heck of a woman, if you ask me. It's not easy dealing with pregnancy and stress. Richard and Apple are very special people because of this, and they deserve special people like you to help them pull through!

We have assembled a benefit concert for Richard. On July 20, 7pm, at the People's Village at Tiendesitas. It's not a simple affair mind you! If you dare rock for a cause, contact me for details on how to get a ticket. Ticket denominations are PhP150, but if you are more generous, PhP500 and PhP1000 tickets are also being sold to sponsors and patrons. We are also being supported by NU 107, the country's premiere and only rock radio station.

Now, you might be asking why do I want to go to this concert? Heck, if you are a fan of Mojofly, Imago, Stonefree, Chubibo, Join da Club, Unknown, and many more, then you're in for a rockin' evening. This benefit concert is dubbed "Bato Bato Pik".

It's a BOY!!!

2007-06-23T09:16:00.000+08:00

Yep! It's official. We are having a baby boy. I had my latest ultrasound with my OB and she confirmed that we have a baby boy! He was such a nice little baby, he did not hide his gender at all, he was like "I'm a boy Daddy, Mommy, look!"

From the start we've been hoping and praying for a baby boy. But of course, boy or girl, what is most important is that our baby is healthy. And we still continue to pray for that. God just gave us something extra in our baby being a boy.

Our choice of a name manifests how much we believe that God has great plans for our child and our family. He has a name this early on - Johann. Kewl. Johann Paz Nuguid. Johann is another variation of John, which means God is gracious. Oh how so true! God indeed, can never be out given. We are jumping and giddy like high schoolers since we can now call my tummy Johann and not just baby...

And of course, there's the family. My papa is so thrilled that he can finally have a boy, something that me and my sister cannot fill in, LOL. And of course Lola Alud will be so thrilled because Johann is the first among many titles, LOL. You see, Noel and I are the first to get married, thus, the first grandchild, nephew, baby in our generation.

But of course, baby Johann can be anything he wants to be. Even inside my womb, God knows him inside and out. God has a magnificent plan for him. Noel and I are just so thrilled that we are getting this great responsibility from God.

God is with me

2007-06-14T07:09:00.000+08:00

God is with me.

In every trial, every change, every sorrow, every joy in my life - God is with me. Today, I have been re-affirmed that in all the things I have gone through, I am going through, and will go through, God was with me, God is with me, God will be with me.

God has that perfect plan for me. He laid it all out. From the time He formed me in my mother's womb, He knows me. For every step I took as a child, as a teenager, as a woman, as wife, and soon to be as a mother, He has a grand plan for me to bless the world for His glory. I believe the same for the baby in my womb right now. God has a perfect plan for my child.

There are times when I am down and forget that God is with me, but God never fails to remind me that He doesn't forget. I may be down and low, but God lifts me up.

When are you due?

2007-06-07T07:14:00.000+08:00

Isn't it a wonder why doctors tell you that your due date is on this day, but yet give disclaimers that it can come as early or as delayed by 2 weeks? So as expectant parents, we prepare ourselves for the joy that is to come. We paint our walls, we buy diapers, we select a crib, we choose godparents. But we are really preparing blindly. We do not know when the baby will come, we just know that he or she will come. We prepare in the hope that we get everything ready. Mothers eat healthy so the baby will be healthy. Fathers read a lot on parenting to help ease the transition of just being husband and wife to being parents.

This scenario is actually not just for pregnant women. It is for all of us. In the course of our lifetime, we prepare for everything - our wedding, then our children, then our retirement, even our death. We dwell on a lot of things to get us ready or at least we won't be caught off guard. Same as with when Jesus will come again. We need to prepare ourselves so as not to be caught off guard. It may be frustrating at times. We feel so drained and yet we see no fruit.

But God knows better. Just as He lets the baby come in the most special circumstances, God knows the best time for everything. He alone knows the reason. All we know is that it is for our good. All these preparations are not a waste after all. God allows us to change ourselves so that we are most ready when the time comes. As in everything, God has the perfect timing.

People Skills for Life

2007-06-04T18:06:00.000+08:00

I just posted a while ago that I'm currently reading "People Skills for Life" by Allan and Barbara Pease but here I am - all done and ready to blog about it! I'm no speed reader (but my husband is) but this book is so engaging and easy to read that it took me just an hour or two to finish.

"People Skills for Life" is for everyone who wonders how Sanguines do what they do best - be a people person. I am a natural Melancholic, shy and reserved, and I find it hard to relate to people, much more talk to them. But reality hits us hard that we are interdependent on one another, we can't really close ourselves to society. "People Skills for Life" gives you a blow by blow on practical techniques to develop that habit of going out of your shell.

A combination of common day-to-day examples and psychology will give you an overview of why we are what we are - and what we can do about it. It's not necessarily hypnotizing ourselves to be a different person, but in fact, teaches us on how to cope with the need to communicate and build rapport with others - a much needed trait for all of us working in the corporate world, or raising a family, or dealing with clients.

Allan and Barbara Pease gives simple and practical steps that are useful in achieving good people skills that will last for life.

My dream is God's dream

2007-06-04T07:31:00.000+08:00

We course through our lives sometimes not knowing what we really ought to do. We feel lost, we feel weak, we feel incomplete. I have been journeying through my life trying to find what I really want, that I failed to see that what I was looking for was right inside of me.

God has created us from His own image. He implanted desires in our hearts. He knows us inside and out. God has equipped us with all that we need, to do the things we were made to do. I still find this a little complicated, but I get that feeling in my gut that I already know the answers to my questions.

God will not allow the desires in your heart to flourish if it were meant not to flourish. God is wise and we are not. I pray for the wisdom to know how to act on those desires, and the courage to take the first step.

Encouragement

2007-05-29T07:56:00.001+08:00

I heard a very good quote from Bro. Bo Sanchez today - "Encouragement is like anesthesia, it wears off. You need to give it again and again, and again, and again..."

I am not a person to give out a lot of encouragement. I generally believe that once you say it, it is their job to remember whatever encouragement I give them. I never really thought that words will not stick that much. I guess I expect people to be tough. Well, we're not. Looking at myself, yes, encouragement does wane. Why? I automatically forget encouragement once I feel fear. Fear to do the things I need to do, what God wants me to do. Fear is normal for all of us. That is why we encourage our loved ones, our kids, our friends. We aim to ease their fear. We have lots of fears, we fear different things, but all these fears are just false expectations! We fear failure because we fear we will be rejected. We fear rejection because we fear we will lose our self worth. But we keep on forgetting that God loves us so much that we will never be worthless. We are His children and His is a perfect love. Perfect love casts out all fears. Encouraging our loved ones is sharing God's love with them. I need to do a lot more encouraging...

As my husband always asks me - what is courage? I can now answer... Not the Princess Diaries answer but this - Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is being able to look at fear in the eye, and say "I'll do it anyway." By God's grace, I'll do it anyway.

You choose

2007-05-24T07:56:00.000+08:00

If there is one thing in life that we always have - it's a choice. We can choose anything we want - to be thin, to be rich, to be a good mom, to be successful. No one can tell us it's not your choice. Why? Because if it's to be, it's up to me.

When you want to become thin, you go on a diet. You control your eating, you exercise, eat healthy. We choose. We choose not to go to the gym, we choose to eat that chocolate. We are responsible for our actions. No one else is. Our choice need only be a committed choice - a decision to stick it out. It ain't easy.

Sometimes we feel too afraid to choose for ourselves. We think our choices will disappoint our parents, or our boss, or our friends. But when our choices are blessed by God, you prayed for it, you lamented on it, I bet you, mountains will move just to help you achieve what you choose to be. God will move that mountain for you.

There will be a lot of things that will hinder you. Disappointments, delays, negative thoughts, fear. But we only need to focus. Focus on the prize. Focus on the dream. Sounds so easy? Only if God is your main supporter.

Being alone

2007-05-23T12:25:00.001+08:00

Are you the type of person who cannot move without having someone to go with them? Not because you are injured or disabled, but because you just can't stand to eat at a fast food alone. Why are some people naturally "independent" they can go to mass by themselves, or eat at McDonald's by his lonesome? I guess we all have different stories.

I used to dread being by myself. I wouldn't want to be caught dead alone. I needed my peers to be with me when I go shopping, or watch a movie, or eat. I also needed someone to be with me during enrollment, during applications, etc. I was young then, and peer acceptance is important to me.

Then I discovered that I cannot always like what I see. Sometimes your friends are late. Sometimes, they are not serious. Most often than not, you have different opinions. First adaptation would be to be understanding of them. Maybe God is testing your patience, or is teaching you a life lesson. But after endless giving, you realize, I'm not going anywhere with these guys! Got to do it myself. So you learn to enroll by yourself. You learn to eat by yourself in a food court. You learn to go shopping by yourself. It was lonely at first, but hey, that's growing up. I realize, I can't be relying on someone else all the time. This is where you become your own person.

Then being alone too long will take a toll. You are afraid to commit to someone, or you forget your lessons in understanding and giving - probably why there are a lot of people who are afraid of relationships. Others, did not go through being alone (either they are too afraid or just enjoy it too much) that they can't cross over to being in a commitment. And you need to learn so many things again. Back to zero.

What am I driving at? All of us has to go through this cycle of being in a flood of things, then establish his own identity, then being with that someone who is your soul mate. This cycle can exists everywhere - in school, in a romantic relationship, in the workplace, in communities. It is never ending. It is also unavoidable.

This is one example of how we grow. I grow. Now, being hardheaded to accept change is another story.

Deceived or just plain stupid?

2007-05-22T15:54:00.001+08:00

When an opportunity comes along, what do you do? Do you immediately grab it, or contemplate first? Do you do a cost-benefit analysis, or just toss a coin?

Well, I am about to conclude that I have been deceived. I jumped on a boat that looks very lovely, promised a lot of things - better things, and naturally, in my usual state of misery, I saw the light. So when they asked me to jump, my answer was - how high?

God has a funny way of making you see your mistakes. Or where you need to improve. I always thought I was very cautious. But one sweet talk, and I give my yes! What has gotten into me? Is it the hormones?

Wanted to punch someone. But hey, wouldn't want my baby to live in rage eh? But seriously, this is a case of not thinking first before you leap. Learned my lesson here. I should've asked a lot of questions. Let myself be known more, if they don't want me, at least I'd still be searching instead of regretting this early on.

Conclusion - this is just plain stupid!

Random Thoughts

2007-05-22T13:05:00.001+08:00

We recently went back to my parent's place to save on rent, then I changed jobs too, and yes, I'm still pregnant. All these drastic changes are taking a toll on me. I miss being able to sit down and do nothing.

The big question on my mind right now is what do I really want to do? I'm going to be a mommy soon, and I want to spend every waking moment to take care of my little one, and my big one ;-) But I also want to help the big one earn enough so we could have a comfortable life.

Did I ever want to be successful in life? Was I ever contented in being a wallflower? Looking back at my life, I always had something to say, I always had something to offer. But in my subconscious, I am scared. I am traumatized at what other people think of me. I have heard lots of things about me, good and bad - used to cry about them too. But generally, other people's thoughts are very important to me. It's just too bad I never really got to get over the nasty ones.

How do one heal? How do you forgive and forget - not the others, but yourself? How do you move on and decide that life is so much fun than sitting around feeling miserable? When do you finally get over the feeling of being lost?

That is my question. I am broken, and I need to heal.

Overdose of Progesterone and Estrogen

2007-04-25T16:09:00.000+08:00

I just lost it. Did you ever put so much effort in one task, only to find out that you need to be doing something else? Blows the wind off my sails.

To top it off, I got really pissed off. No one to blame, so I had to eye someone. Bad of me, I know. But I just really lost it. I felt it was unfair that I did not know on time that I had to do something, and I did not know it was me who's supposed to do it. Miscommunication, chaos, call it whatever. The point is, I missed the point.

So, ranting and grumbling I went. Tried to do what I need to do as cheerfully as I could. But you could not discount the fact that I was a b*tch. Now, I'm done with the task and had the chance to think.

Being pregnant puts you in a rollercoaster ride. One minute you're giddy and happy, the next, you are angry sometimes sad and crying buckets. So, on my way to my 2nd trimester, I am looking forward to easier times.

Good thing, God gave me the grace to humble myself and apologize. It would be better had I controlled myself in the first place, but I'm just human. Next time I see red, I'll just color it green.

Change

2007-04-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

We always hear that change is the only thing constant in this world, and I guess change will not go away.

I am not a fan of change, but today, I am going through a lot. I don't know what quite to expect really, sometimes fear overcomes me. But somehow, I still find the strength to wake up each morning. Perhaps I am learning to just ride the wave...

Come to think of it, change is actually a good thing. Change shakes the water, keeps us on our toes, brings the best out of us. If you don't change, you remain stagnant. Think how boring that would be!

The challenge now is to adapt. To adjust, to let go, to win over change. And be excited about it. All my life I've been dreading change, but now that I'm all grown up, I guess change is good. No, change IS good. Change gives us hope of better things. Change gives us another chance. Change gives us expansion.

I am excited to move on. Like this new look on my blog. I am betting this look will change in no time to keep things spicy!