We recently went back to my parent's place to save on rent, then I changed jobs too, and yes, I'm still pregnant. All these drastic changes are taking a toll on me. I miss being able to sit down and do nothing.
The big question on my mind right now is what do I really want to do? I'm going to be a mommy soon, and I want to spend every waking moment to take care of my little one, and my big one ;-) But I also want to help the big one earn enough so we could have a comfortable life.
Did I ever want to be successful in life? Was I ever contented in being a wallflower? Looking back at my life, I always had something to say, I always had something to offer. But in my subconscious, I am scared. I am traumatized at what other people think of me. I have heard lots of things about me, good and bad - used to cry about them too. But generally, other people's thoughts are very important to me. It's just too bad I never really got to get over the nasty ones.
How do one heal? How do you forgive and forget - not the others, but yourself? How do you move on and decide that life is so much fun than sitting around feeling miserable? When do you finally get over the feeling of being lost?
That is my question. I am broken, and I need to heal.
Here comes the Baby!
